80s Makeup -- otherwise known as makeup from the time before dinosaurs

After doing my recent color analysis exercise, I started to really think about 80s makeup (as I stated before, the experts in ridiculous lady things say that bright colors are supposed to 'work' for me). I am sure most of you remember a few years during the 1980s when you lined your eyes in cobalt or electric blue (take a long look at my stupid profile picture ... hmmmm...). I am sure you remember the upswept blocks of clashing colors on the eyelids. You remember green mood lipstick (I know you want to read about it here). You may even remember sticking tape to your upper eyelids while applying makeup, so as to make the demarcations between the colors sharper, and the lines more distinct.

Well, it seems we are getting old enough that what seemed to come naturally to us is now being treated as a weird makeup technique of the dinosaur era. Do you want to feel old? Take a gander at the various Youtube makeup tutorials aimed at helping young women achieve an "80s" look. There is this funny attitude that I guess I will need to get used to as we age further--an attitude of 'this is what they used to do way back when'. WAY BACK WHEN. These videos talked about the hot pink blush and emerald mascara as if it were henna tattoos, or corset lacing, or some weird ages-old atrocity that would have sucked at the time, but that they somehow think it hip to flirt with a little now.

There are numerous videos by makeup experts telling everyone how to achieve the 'look' of a recent Katy Perry video where she dons 80s inspired makeup. There is no trick, no expertise needed from makeup historians. Just ask little old me, circa 1984.

So, the hip out there are bringing back a little bit of dinosaur makeup? Well, all I can say is: the cobalt has never left my waterline.

Color Me Beautiful -- In the 80s, I Was Just a Plain Ole Winter

Do you remember the color analysis fad spurred by Color Me Beautiful in the 1980s? I had that book. Although I did not attend one of those analysis parties, I spent a lot of time pouring over this book and obsessing on which colors did me the most justice. I didn't always obey, and spent many years wearing mustard and rust colored pullovers and looking like something from Night of the Living Dead (yes, smart alecks, I KNOW this was a black and white film).

While net surfing the other night, I accidentally came across a color analysis video and discovered that just as many things have grown more complicated since the 80's, so has determining your 'season'. Your 'color season' is determined by holding swatches of fabric to your face and taking ridiculous, virtually impossible quizzes, with questions such as 'do your eyes have flecks?'. Although most people don't talk about the whole 'seasons' thing these days, it appears the color gurus are still at it, and have complicated the process even further. Now, instead of there being 4 season to choose from, we now must choose from three different variations within a season (for a total of 12 choices), so as to even further fine-tune our category and hone in on our most flattering color choices (see this: Color Analysis Info).

After some obsessing over the questions (Do I have flecks in my eyes? Are those flecks, rays, or dots? WHAT THE HELL?) I finally determined myself to be a 'clear winter' slightly flowing to 'clear spring'. I am supposed to always wear pink or purple goop slathered on my cheeks. Lucky for me, since that is exactly how people looked in the 1980s. I am not only nostalgic in my mind, but obviously am connected to that era deep down in my blood.

This sounds really stupid. I know. But yesterday I wore a purple shirt and piled the tacky goop all over my face (I know you think it is funny that I consider ANYTHING to be tacky, considering my profile picture here). Fuchsia lips. Lavender lids. Plum eyeliner. I looked almost like a burn victim.

Funny thing is, men and women both seemed to go out of their way all day to talk to me. They were excessively friendly, and their eyes seemed to linger (I am hoping it is not because they thought I was turning tricks in the shopping mall). My kids both said 'you look really pretty today'.

Obviously, I AM a clear winter, flowing to clear spring. So be it. This post is so girly that I am almost ashamed; tomboys don't write posts like this, and do not wear hot pink lipstick.

This is really stupid. But I can tell you (since I actually wrote a poem to Ralph Macchio once) that stupid can sometimes be good.