Wednesday, September 3, 2008
And The Winner IS ... PARACHUTE PANTS!
Okay, we have a winner of our ugly fashions of the 1980s poll (see bottom of page for detailed results). Spandex workout clothes, a la Olivia Newton-John's 'Physical' gave these shiny pants a run for their money, but it looks like the parachutes won. Here I have a photo courtesy of Flickr user Tim Roe.
When searching for a good photo of these much maligned pants, I had a difficult time and actually discovered that there is quite a bit of confusion out there about what exactly parachute pants are. I think some of the younger generation confuse parachute pants with other stuff. Us 80's purists out there know the difference. For those of you who are 'ugly 80s' impaired, here's a short primer.
What parachute pants ARE NOT:
1) Cargo pants.
2) MC Hammer pants (although lots of people seem to think they are, Hammer pants are 'tent pants' if I'm not mistaken).
3) Made of any natural materials whatsoever.
4) Chick magnets.
What parachute pants ARE:
1) ALWAYS made of the same nylon material as a parachute (hence, the name).
2) filled with strange zippered sections, especially at the ankles and running horizontally in strange places, like across the mid thigh.
3) Very shiny.
4) Very noisy when you are trying to sneak up on someone (don't try this, you will fail!).
5) The ugliest item in my home at the minute.
6) Found in all colors, but usually black or red.
7) Sometimes evident in Michael Jackson videos.
8) Worn often by break-dancers and break dancer wanna-be's.
9) A relic often connected with 'Chess King' stores (remember them?).
Okay, that should clear up some confusion.